In Loony Land With THOMAS CHURCHWELL

Sometimes, it's better to try to laugh than cry...

Scene: A street corner somewhere in New Hamphire circa 1920. A youngster of 17 stands under a gas light on a cold, foggy night, blinking at girls passing by. Soon he spots a lone maiden, pretty and quite demure. He blurts that he is looking for a girl to libel. Not knowing what libel is, but terrified nonetheless, the girl utters a blood-curdling scream and runs away. The youngster's name is Thomas Churchwell. He has strawberry blond hair that he wears in a mullet. He has beady eyes. He is short. Today he was expelled from the tenth grade after he was caught in a lying frenzy. Then, he ran away from home. An alert newspaper reporter riding down the street recognizes him from a recent mug shot. "Whoa, Bessie!" he cries. Climbing down from his buggy, the reporter pulls out a sheet of parchment paper from his overcoat, and a quill, then tethers his snow white horse to the gas light pole. He walks over to the youngster.

Reporter: So, Thomas, today you were expelled from high school due to a lying frenzy then you ran away from home. What are you going to do now?

Thomas: I'm going to Loony Land!

The end.

The above "story" is fiction, just like all the posts on Thomas Churchwell's blog. I have never laughed so hard in my life as when I read his latest piece of fiction about me in the Reader.

This summary shows why:

• On the Cape Cod blog, I sent an introductory email to him, because he supposedly was prostrate with grief over Christa Worthington's murder, and I felt sorry for him. Little did I know that he was using her death to get attention. This was unfortunate for me.

• He was never mentioned in the Cape Cod trial.

• I wasn't even AWARE of "SuziQ" until he brought her nasty blog to my attention, his voice choked with persecution. Later, when he accused me of being SuziQ (Susan), I was shocked, hurt and annoyed beyond belief.
  

• He explained how to set up the Yahoo IM, step by step. I knew nothing about instant messaging, had never used it, or even heard of it, until he said, "Let's talk on the IM."

• I did not ask for his phone number. He eagerly gave me his number and asked me to call him.

• My first conversation with him was certainly not about phone sex. Once again, he is mixing me up with someone else.
  

• I called him several times in NH? Au contraire. He called me from the bus station, and when I didn't answer, because I was at work, he instant messaged me in a snit.
  

• I did not call about his homely date. I emailed a friendly query, after he posted a picture of her on his blog. Why did he do that? Because he wanted a reaction from me.
  

• Still in NH, he turned on the IM one night at 2AM to see if I was there, saw my name, and satisfied, tiptoed back to bed, he says. I don't know which part of that is the funniest. It's all hysterical.

• Again with the self-flagellation over "nude" pictures? Really, he needs to look into this with a competent shrink. He made a huge, disgusting mistake when he pressured me for "crotch shots," and made matters worse when he announced his disappointment over not getting any. But I wasn't scarred for life, and neither was he. He should have apologized three years ago and moved on!

• I did not send him 1970 pictures, unless I sent him my baby picture. I don't think I did.

• I did not say that I wanted to visit him in NY. He asked if he could come HERE, which startled me, since he was a total stranger on the Internet. He wanted to move in with me "for a few weeks" he told me, just as he did with Christa, Jamie and Laurie. He told me that he wanted to IMPREGNATE me.

• I did not say that I wanted to have a relationship with him. Where does he get this hackneyed dialog? Sounds like he copied it from an Archie comic book.

• Now, the next two lies made me laugh the hardest. He claims that I "begged" him for phone sex and he replied: "Ok, go ahead." Hilarious. Then, he says: "I was just trying to get it over with." {hand clapped to forehead} So, THAT'S why he came three times in one day! He was just trying to get it over with...LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!

One thing is not funny in the least. The fact that Thomas Churchwell is still obsessed and lying about conversations that happened three fricking years ago.

He really should move on. And stop messing with the truth. Facts don't change, no matter how long he tries to spin them in Loony Land!